My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
