Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
