the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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