she was so not down for the gang bang
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
