The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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