I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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