true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
ttyl tear gas
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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