he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
