Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
