Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
