I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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