Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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