I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
