So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
