Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
