Soap is not a condiment
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
