took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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