He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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