Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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