careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
why is half of my head shaved?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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