is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
