I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize