your room smells of hookers.
And success
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
