Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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