Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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