just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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