I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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