hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
