Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize