i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
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Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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