your parents love me but you hate me
if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
