she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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