He is an equal opportunity slut.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
