Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
if only i could text you this smell
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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