wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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