her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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