just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
