i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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