rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
