you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
