her vagina looked like bernie madoff
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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