All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
