Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
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Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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