dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
