pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
