i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
