Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
