Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
