6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
is wine microwaveable?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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