No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
