I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
