I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
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The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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