My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
