Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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