idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I believe in your delicious
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
