I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
